So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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