And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
