Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
