You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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