he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
