I'm pants shitting drunk right now
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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