she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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