Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
