im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
