and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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