I accidentally burped into my bong.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
