I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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