did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
