I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
