We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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