Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
