I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
