I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
