he wants to bone in the snuggie
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
