A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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