Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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