I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
