Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
