Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
