Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
