My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
