Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
