If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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