I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
