they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
