He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
