Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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