my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
