She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
