I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
