the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
