Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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