Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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