I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Panties = found
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
