we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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