Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
