Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
