How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
