so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
