If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
