does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
