My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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