last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
