I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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