I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
