Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
