Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
