I cockslap morals
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
