i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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