When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
