this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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