remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
