he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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