... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
