Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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