no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
