so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My ass is underappreciated
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I am available for nakedness
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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