that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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